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DEFINING MOMENTS

A CONVERSATION WITH JESUS Part 1
 John 4:5-42

Who was this woman...

  • Spiritually, she was trying to put together a faith that worked for her: Like most people today, she was choosing what she wanted to know about God, omitting the things she didn’t like (like Jerusalem), and so confused about faith that she thinks the critical issue is where you worship and what your technique is

  • But that’s only the tip of the iceberg! More than a mind in search of an answer, she’s a woman with a heart that’s been broken and badly in need of fixing. FIVE men have married and divorced her—and in those days, men could divorce their wives simply for burning a meal! Can you imagine the pain of rejection she was living with?

  • FIVE TIMES she’s been rejected, and now she’s working on #6: Driven by her needs, not by her failures…driven by her hunger to find someone who will really care for her AND LOVE HER, RATHER THAN LOVE WHAT SHE CAN GIVE… Like most secular people today, she’s seeking life before death—not so much concerned about her own mortality, but how she can find meaning and significance this side of death

  • But after FIVE broken relationships, FIVE rejections, FIVE failed expectations, she’s decided to hedge her bets: She’s entered an emotional no man’s land: driven to satisfy the hunger in her heart for a love that will last, but not willing to put her heart on the line again and risk another divorce and rejection

  • So according to the law she’s living in sin, living with another man out of wedlock: But like most secular people today, she’s more aware of her own doubt- in others, in herself, and in God—than of any sense of guilt. She’s come in broad daylight to draw water, not caring what the religious people in town felt because she’s fed up with rules that didn’t work for her.

  • And if we could look into her heart we’d find a person morally adrift, but secretly desiring an anchor: Beneath all the bravado and sense of independence, she’s paying a tremendous cost in emotional energy trying to live with hope in that emotional no-man’s-land—where there is no baseline, no foundation, no absolute right or wrong to help sort through the tangle of emotions and conflicting expectations

  • And what she’s experiencing is like the dilemma someone put this way: “It used to be that you knew someone liked you if they had sex with you. Nowadays, sex is like shaking hands. So how do you know someone likes you?”

… and what was her real need?

  • The cry of her heart: “How can I know that someone REALLY cares for me?

  • And Jesus answers the cry of her heart! In today’s Gospel Jesus chooses to meet her EXACTLY at this point of need—and it became a defining moment for her!

  • How Jesus met her, and what he said, is a model for how you and I can help turn encounters and conversations into defining moments for our friends and neighbors: So let’s see what Jesus said and did, step by step…

1. Jesus cared enough to build a relational bridge

When a Samaritan woman came to draw water, Jesus said to her, “Will you give me a drink?”…[STOP]

  • Notice what Jesus DIDN’T say? He didn’t say: Have you been saved? Have you repented of your sins yet?? When are you going to shape up??

  • Instead, Jesus used six well chosen words to demonstrate that he wasn’t going to judge her, or shun her, or verbally bulldoze her: Just “will you give me a drink—one neighbor to another…

  • She was so shocked she practically dropped the bucket in the well! Listen to her response:

The Samaritan woman said to him, “You are a Jew and I am a Samaritan woman. How can you ask me for a drink?” John 4:7, 9 NIV

  • She was shocked because Jews didn’t speak to Samaritans, and men didn’t speak to women in public—not even their own wives! Jesus could get into serious trouble for violating these social rules, and she was shocked that he had reached beyond the labels to encounter her personally—and at great risk to his own reputation! And all he has done at this point is ask for a drink—no testimony or sharing yet about spiritual things

  • Isn’t that a lesson for you and me? Sharing the love of Jesus Christ doesn’t require a degree in theology—it requires an open heart and a willingness to engage other people. It requires a willingness to build a relational bridge instead of labeling people and putting them at arms length

  • We do it all the time: You’re a Jew, a Samaritan, a woman, a man—a Geek, a Goth, a jock, a Nerd, Gay, Republican, a Democrat whatever—

  • And that raises the question: Why do we label people and put them in boxes? Sometimes because people embrace that label and ask us to relate that way to them. But more often than not, we label people because it’s easier to relate to them that way—we don’t have to take the time to get to know them personally. We can just relate to the stereotypes that go with the labels…

  • BUT JESUS DIDN’T DO THAT! He wouldn’t—He took the time to engage this woman on her own turf, to get to know her through a simple conversation. He moved towards her

  • You see people build walls—BUT JESUS BUILDS BRIDGES. And by simply engaging her Jesus was saying “You matter to me!”

  • And that in itself was a defining moment for that woman: Because the only message she’d ever gotten from a man was rejection— And here was Jesus saying by his very actions “You, YOU matter to me!” That’s what people need to know about God!! That WE MATTER TO GOD!

  • And do we have a message for them!! YES! You and I so mattered to god that He gave his only son, that whoever believes in him will not perish but have everlasting life (Jn 3:16) Lost people matter to God—and because they matter to God, they matter to you and me and SRC! But people have got to know that we care before they care what we know—so let’s build some relational bridges, just like Jesus!

2. Jesus cared enough to find a shared interest

Jesus answered her, “If you knew the gift of God and who it is that asks you for a drink, you would have asked him and he would have given you living water.” John 4:10 NIV

  • Ever notice how religious people go for the jugular—right away, they want to get into spiritual things and expound… NOT JESUS! He begins by asking her about something in which she’s obviously interested (drawing water) Gradually, he directed the conversation away from this shared interest to a spiritual reality she knew nothing about

  • Most people resent being trapped in a one way conversation about spiritual things by a person who hasn’t even bothered to find out if they’re interested in listening! We do too… I wished I’d paid attention to this in the early days of my sharing with others—but I’ve since learned that the most effective way to share the love of Christ is to SPEND TIME WITH PEOPLE, GET TO KNOW THEM, AND FIND OUT WHAT THEIR INTERESTS ARE. And that means lots of listening

  • A lot of people are scared by Christians: They think that “being spiritual” means you’ll be as odd as the “church lady” on SNL, or as dangerous as the people who flew a plane into a building. But the reality is that you and I put one shoe on at a time, just like everyone else! People NEED to know that we share their interests—even if they are not obviously spiritual—things like planting a garden, fixing a car, sports, cooking, raising kids… Because people need to know that God cares about those things too, and that HE shares their interests—Just like Jesus did!

  • You don’t have to stand on a soapbox or go to a foreign country to find the people with whom you are called to share Christ’s love: Just look for the people with whom you already share an interest!-- The people in your drama club, the people on your sports team, the moms in your play group, the guys at work and those you hang with on weekends… THOSE are the friends and neighbors Christ wants you to bring to Him first!

3. Jesus cared enough to address her deepest need

  • Jesus knows that this woman needs a love that will last forever: She’s in a relational desert, she’s looking for love, and acceptance, and significance in all the wrong places—and when she finds it, it runs out!

  • But Jesus also knows that the direct approach will simply invite denial and self-defense on her part: He has to find a way to relate the truth to her deepest needs… So he throw out bait… he teases her with little hints like this one: Jesus answered, “Everyone who drinks this water will be thirsty again, but whoever drinks the water I give him will never thirst. Indeed, the water I give him will become in him a spring of water welling up to eternal life.” John 4:13-14 NIV

  • Jesus hints at what her needs might be, and his ability to meet those needs in a language she can understand: he teases her into asking questions, he doesn’t go too far… and in all of this, by the gentle way he drops hints and asks leading questions, Jesus is saying “I know what your deepest need is—And I care enough about YOU to help you face that need, and my resources to help you!

  • That was a defining moment for the woman at the well—because Jesus lifted the horizon of her hopes: In that moment she discovered that God not only wants to supply what’s missing in her life, he wants to give her—and you, and me—so much more that it’s like a well that will never run dry!!

  • Illustrn: Picking up Girl Scout cookies from a family in need: “I’m overwhelmed with one kid—how do you do it with four??” Ans-- “Thanks.. I couldn’t do it without the LORD…” Dropping a hint… sometimes people will pick up on it immediately, like the Samaritan woman… sometimes they won’t pick up on it at all… and sometimes they won’t say a thing, but they’ll bring it up in another conversation down the road…

4. Jesus cared enough to listen and let her process

“Sir,” the woman said, “you have nothing to draw with and the well is deep. Where can you get this living water?” “Are you greater than our father Jacob?..” “Sir, give me this water so that I won’t get thirsty and have to keep coming here to draw water.”

John 4:11, 12, 15 NIV

  • Despite her obvious interest and curiosity, Jesus didn’t give her the whole story at once: Just one installment at a time! He dropped a hint, he threw out some bait—and then he listened to her questions and let her process his claims for herself. Gradually, as she was ready for more, he revealed more about himself—and when her curiosity reached a fever pitch, THEN he revealed himself as messiah.

  • We live in a culture and an age where people don’t respond well to a hard sell and a quick close the deal: Just think about the telemarketers that call you! So we need to be patient with people, listen to their questions and let them process Jesus’ claims—just as Jesus did with this woman.

  • Most people would give anything to find someone who would just listen to them!! When we listen long enough, not only do we win the gratitude of the person sharing with us, we get to know and understand them so that we can relate the truth and love of Christ to their deepest needs, and we win their trust and willingness to listen.

5. Jesus cared enough to speak truth without condemning

Jesus told her, “Go, call your husband and come back.” “I have no husband,” she replied. Jesus said to her, “You are right…The fact is you have had five husbands, and the man you now have is not your husband. What you have just said is quite true.” John 4:16-18 NIV

  • I used to think that Jesus was being a little cold here: Until I realized that he isn’t shaming or condemning her—he’s simply giving her a reality check about her won life! He’s simply saying to her—“Yes, you’ve had five failed relationships on now you’re on a sixth…” and the unspoken question that follows by implication “So how’s it working for you?”

  • That’s a reality check—it’s speaking truth without condemning—and isn’t that what we ALL need?? When I look at my own life, I have to admit that I haven’t been able to develop a deeper relationship with the Lord, nor have I been able to live into his highest hopes, until Jesus has confronted me with my own sins and needs to change. And I know when Jesus is speaking truth about me because it may hurt, but it never leaves me hopeless or ashamed.

  • You see, Jesus doesn’t flinch from showing this woman—and you, and me-- that His invitation will involve new relationships and a new sensitivity to our behavior—and to doing what is right. But his call for change is never condemning or shameful—it’s always a call to hope and to a plan that is GOOD!

  • And that was a defining moment for this woman! Because in Jesus firm but gentle approach, she experienced the truth in John 3:17—that God did not come into the world to condemn the world, but that the world through him might be saved—and that includes you and me

6. Jesus cared enough to stick with the main issue

The woman said…”Our fathers worshipped on this mountain, but you Jews claim that the place where we must worship is in Jerusalem.” Jesus declared…”A time is coming and has now come when the true worshippers will worship the Father in spirit and truth, for they are the kind of worshippers the father seeks. God is spirit, and his worshipers must worship him in spirit and truth.” John 4:19-20, 23-24 NIV

  • Does this exchange sound familiar to you? There you are, sharing about Christ’s love and the purpose filled life we can live in him, and your friend changes the subject and says: “Well what about all the innocent people in Africa and the Himalayas that have never heard about Jesus—will God condemn them??! HA!”

  • And what we need to do dear ones is the same thing that Jesus did with the woman—we need to gently answer their question and redirect them to the main issue-- It might look something like this: “You know, the Bible points out that nobody, nobody, is innocent or good by whatever beliefs or standards they live by. We ALL fall short if we’re honest. And the Bible also says that God is not willing that anybody should be lost forever, so we can trust that he will find a way to reach people in Africa and the Himalayas. But what does that have to do with you? You’re not a pigmy or a sherpa—You’ve heard about Jesus and his claims—so what are YOU going to do about it? How are you going to respond to Jesus?

  • For this woman, that was a defining moment: For the first time she was experiencing God, in the person of Jesus, saying “The issue isn’t about your ritual, or where you go to church-- I’m not interested in appearances. I’M INTERESTED IN YOUR HEART, IN WHAT’S GOING ON INSIDE. And I’m actually looking for anyone who’s searching for me in their hearts! I’m not a cranky father you have to please—I’m a search and rescue God DYING to find you, and meet you, and restore your ruined heart so that it can be filled with all the good things I have for you. THAT’S THE MAIN THING!

7. Jesus cared enough to confront her directly

The woman said, “I know that Messiah” (called Christ) “is coming. When he comes, he will explain everything to us.” Then Jesus declared, “I who speak to you am he.” John 4:25-26

  • Jesus knew when she was ready for a direct confrontation: Her curiosity was so high, she was practically begging for someone to show her the Messiah—so Jesus revealed himself right at that point

  • And at some point in our conversations, we need to be willing to ask our friends: Is there any reason why you couldn’t give your life to Jesus Christ right now?

  • Whether we spend one conversation, or many, building a bridge of friendship and answering questions and objections: Eventually we need to cross that bridge and bring our friend into a direct confrontation with Jesus so that they realize they have a decision to make—they have a responsibility to decide for or against Jesus.

  • If Jesus hadn’t cared enough to confront her directly, he would have left that woman, hanging and lost, with nowhere to go…

SO Where are you in this conversation with Jesus?

Are you a follower of Jesus, building relational bridges through shared interests and leading people to Jesus Christ? If so, praise God! You know the joy of helping people find eternal purpose and significance through Jesus Christ—and the joy of conversations that turn into defining moments with Jesus!

Are you a follower of Jesus and feeling intimidated about sharing your faith with others? Then take a cue from Jesus!:

  • Build a relational bridge with someone with whom you already share an interest

  • Care enough to listen, and look for, their deepest needs

  • Speak the truth about Jesus love, and his claims, without condemning

  • Answer their objections and questions, but continue to redirect your friends back to the main issue: Who is Jesus, and how do you respond to his claims on your life?

  • And when it’s time—and you’ll know it, the Holy Spirit will show you!—Care enough to bring them across that relational bridge to Jesus. Ask them if there’s any reason why they couldn’t believe, receive, trust and follow Jesus right now.

Maybe you’re here this morning, realizing that you’re not yet a follower of Jesus Christ, not ready to make that commitment. You still have a lot of questions and a lot of processing to do. THAT’S OK—YOU’RE IN THE RIGHT PLACE! But I want to invite you this morning to do what the woman in this story did—ask your questions, but please listen to the questions Jesus is asking you… They’re the questions in your heart, your conscience, and those nagging questions that you’re wrestling with:

  • How’s my own program of self-improvement apart from God going? If I’m really truthful with myself, am I doing any better than I was before?

  • What’s driving my need for love, acceptance, success and significance?

  • Have I found it yet?

  • Do I have any reason to believe that I can find it on my own, apart from Christ?