DEFINING MOMENTS

FACING LOSS WITH JESUS   Part 2
John 11:1-44

Intro

Seventeen years ago, Julie and I were beside ourselves with joy! After four years of trying, testing and several miscarriages, she became pregnant with twins. We were preoccupied with all the practical details of making room for them when they arrived—way too early, at 25 weeks. Carol came first without a sound, at 1 ½ pounds. Her brother Benjamin followed, crying at 2 pounds. Everything was a blur… and then I remember like a film caught in slow motion the doors open, the doctors walk out—and I can tell by the look in their faces that something is terribly wrong…

Since then, we’ve suffered the loss of all four parents—each, untimely, to cancer. And we faced all the lesser losses with them along their way—the loss of memory, the loss of appetite, the loss of mobility, the loss of dignity.

We’ve suffered other losses as well—the loss of job and income, the loss of a home… and the subtler losses: the loss of respect from others, the loss of self-respect, the loss of friends… Every person in this room has suffered loss—it’s an inevitable part of life. Maybe you’ve suffered some of the losses we have—and you’re here today wondering how to work through the pain and grief of your losses.

We stand here today because we’ve faced each and every one of these losses with Jesus. We stand with the same Jesus who stood with Mary and Martha in their loss. The Gospel we just read is a compelling picture of Jesus Christ—it helps us understand the heart of God in the flesh who faces loss with us. And as we look at this story and consider what Jesus did for Martha and Mary—and Lazarus—we can see four things that he will do for you and me in our losses:

1. Jesus understands the reality of our losses

Death and loss are universal—and that means grief is too. And grief, as someone observed—grief is simply the price we pay for loving. It’s the price we pay for loving the person, or the thing, that we have lost.

Counsellors’ tell us there are three stages in the grieving process.
First there is the crisis stage. We get the awful news, and its as if we go into shock. We might deny it, we may cry, we may do something else… But we are in emotional distress. Our world has suddenly fallen apart. This most painful stage of grief usually lasts a few days.

Second, in what some call the crucible stage, we begin to deal with the tragedy of death. Anger often will arise, toward a drunk driver, toward the hospital team, toward yourself, even toward God—God, why did you let this happen? It’s a time when guilt and deep depression, and an overwhelming sense of sadness come over us.

Third, there is the stage of rebuilding our lives, the construction stage.
Here we construct new patterns of living that are not emotionally tied to the past. For some this may mean getting a job, or selling the house and starting a new chapter of life.

There is good grief and there is bad grief. Grief is like steam in a kettle or an engine! It must have an outlet. Grief is not best handled alone--- If you listen carefully to the story, the way Mary and Martha and Jesus share and support one another in their grief shows that they are in that second crucible stage—and the way Jesus reaches out to Marth and Mary shows not only how he understands their grief, but enables them to have good grief!

Listen to Martha’s anger: “Lord,” Martha said to Jesus, “If you had been here my brother would not have died!” (John 11:21, 32 (NIV) And in verse 32 Mary says the same thing… It’s a polite and respectful way of saying “Lord, why did you let this happen?” They’re angry at Jesus for letting this happen—that’s the reality of their grief.

But you notice what Jesus does? Let’s read this together: When Jesus saw Mary weeping, and the Jews who had come along with her also weeping, he was deeply moved in spirit and troubled. (John 11:33 (NIV) Jesus didn’t pull back, or withdraw emotionally, or give them some cliché and then change the subject—or do any one of a number of things that people do when they don’t understand our losses. Jesus entered fully into their anger and grief. He listened. He received. He understood.

And Jesus got angry too! “He was deeply moved and troubled in spirit” It’s a verb in the greek that describes ANGER-- a fury in spirit, a rage and indignation that wells up in the heart, a wave of anger that sweeps over you so powerfully that, in Jesus case, he literally shook under the force of it. His anger was not directed at Martha, or Mary, or all the mourners and friends of Lazarus. And his anger is not directed at you or me when we suffer loss, and grieve, and get angry at God!

NO: There’s only one logical target of his anger. Jesus recognizes that an enemy has done this—and enemy he describes in the previous chapter as the devil, the thief whose character is to steal, kill and destroy (Jn 10:9) Jesus understands that at the root of every loss, every tragedy, every death is an enemy who has brought sin into our world—and through sin death, and heartbreak and misery. Jesus’ anger burns against death, and loss and the destroyer-- We see and feel the loss. Jesus sees and understands our loss—and much more. The measure of his understanding is in his rage at the one whose stealing, killing and destroying is behind each and every one of our losses!

You see…

2. Jesus shares the pain of our losses

Martha and Mary were in a lot of pain. It’s not hard to imagine their feelings—the desperate hope as they sent an urgent plea to Jesus to come quickly and heal Lazarus…the ebbing faith and a rising tide of panic as Lazarus slips away, the grief that comes crashing in… Taken from the perspective of Martha and Mary, Jesus is late. And from my point of view, they have a right to be angry—and sure enough, they both vent their anger at Jesus-- Why did you let this happen? “If you had been here…”

Aren’t those our words too? When tragedy and loss strike, haven’t you ever felt like Martha and Mary? Maybe you don’t say it directly—but you feel the question and the anger rising in your heart “Lord, why did you let this happen… Where were you when I lost my job and needed you?”

We find ourselves in a hospital room, holding the hand of a loved one, life is slipping away and we offer a prayer, O Lord, come through for me now! Do a miracle, just like I read about in the Bible! And nothing happens, the person dies. And you are left with that nagging question in your heart, why wasn’t the Lord here? Why? Why didn’t he heal my loved one? When I needed him the most he wasn’t here.

That’s grief. That’s a fair question. It’s an OK question to ask.

Some of us get stuck on the question and we can’t get over it. We blame God. Grief drives a wedge between us and God. We think he doesn’t care and doesn’t understand. After all, he has the power to heal; he’s done it before. Why not for me? In fact this question can be a healthy question. It’s better than burying the disappointment and not dealing with it. Buried grief leads to anger and anger left unchecked will show itself in our attitudes and our words, and in our relationship with the Lord. We then keep God at a distance, "don’t come too close." We move away from him—and our relationship with him stagnates…We decide that he doesn’t really care…

Nothing could be further from the truth. Let’s read this next verse together:

“Where have you laid him?” Jesus asked. “Come and see, Lord,” they replied

Jesus wept.

Then the Jews said, “See how he loved him!” John 11:34-37 (NIV)

That middle verse is the shortest and most powerful verse in the Bible—Because in two words-- “Jesus wept”-- it destroys the myth of God’s indifference to our suffering. There is Jesus, standing at the tomb, knowing he is about to raise Lazarus from the dead. But he weeps for the pain of the grief that Mary and Martha have carried. And he weeps for the pain that his friend Lazarus has suffered unto death. And no matter what he knows about the breakthrough he’s going to bring in your life and mine through our losses—he weeps for our pain too!

I don’t think I could believe in a God who was indifferent to my pain. I can’t believe in God who is represented in statues and pictures smiling in some detached and unearthly way. Or a God whom the western philosophers say must be immune to human pain and apathetic—otherwise he’d be less than God. You and I need to know that God cares-- that he suffers and sweats and bleeds with us, in all our losses. What a different face of God Jesus reveals! A face soaked with tears at the suffering of his people; a face etched by his sharing in their grief—the face of God who has made himself utterly vulnerable to the suffering of humanity—even to the point of dying with and for us!

But that’s not the only way he stands with us in our losses…

3. Jesus tempers our losses with healing words to the heart

Both Martha and Mary asked Jesus the same question we do whenever we face tragedy and loss-- “WHY?” Why did this have to happen? Why didn’t you prevent it from happening? You know, millions of believers and non-beleivers have wrestled with this question-- Why does God allow evil and pain and loss? I want you to know there are some compelling answers to that question that will help you to trust in the goodness of God. We have resources at SRC that will help you address that question so that you can trust God again—through Jesus Christ!

But I know from my own experience that answers that satisfy the mind will not remove the pain of loss in our hearts. We are more than our minds. We are uniquely human because of what the Bible calls our heart—the spiritual, feeling, willing action center of our being. And even when we understand the reason for our loss—the pain in our hearts still hurts.

And that’s what you have to love about Jesus in this story—because he goes for their hearts and not just their heads!

To Martha, Jesus said “I am the resurrection and the life. He who believes in me will live, even though he dies; and whoever lives and believes in me will never die. Do you believe this?” John 11:25-26 (NIV)

Even in her anger, Martha expressed a vague belief that someday there would be a resurrection of the dead… She even reaffirmed her belief that Jesus could do miracles. But like many of us, though she had faith in what Jesus did in the past, and a vague hope for the future, she was crippled with unbelief in what Jesus might do right now in the present, in the middle of her loss. So Jesus meets her exactly at her point of need—Martha, and you, and I need to know that Jesus IS the resurrection and the life—not that he WAS, not that HE WILL BE SOME DAY—but RIGHT NOW. So Jesus speaks a word of hope RIGHT NOW to her heart

But When Jesus saw Mary weeping…he was deeply moved in spirit and troubled. “Where have you laid him?” he asked. John 11:33-34 (NIV) You see, Mary is in a different place than Martha—she doesn’t have any affirmations of faith, no questions. She’s just overcome with grief that her brother died. So Jesus goes for her heart—and asks her WHERE-- “where have you laid him”-- “Where is the pain? Where does it hurt the most?” Sometimes that’s all we need to hear from the Lord,. To know that he cares and shares our pain.

Oftentimes, in our grief, it’s hard to hear Jesus speaking to our heart… facing the loss of parents, friends, church, home and the loss of a job, it took days of grieving by myself and praying and seeking before I heard the LORD speak to MY heart in the words of Psalm 37:3-4 “Trust in the LORD and do good; dwell in the land and enjoy safe pasture; delight yourself in the LORD and he will give you the desires of your heart.” It took days of grieving and seeking before I could punch through the static of my own pain and hear God’s gracious promise that our move back to this land here in NoVa was not a mistake, but that it was going to be a place of healing, and promise and blessing. Jesus’ words tempered the pain of my loss—and we’ve all seen the promises come true through the losses.

Jesus was speaking to my heart all the time—I just couldn’t hear him because of my pain. I wish that I had had a small group of friends in Christ to help me hear when the pain was so great… We need others to help us hear the Lord when he is speaking, and when we can’t hear him. That’s why I encourage every person at SRC to be in a small group, with friends in Christ who will meet with you face-to-face, share your pain, and speak Christ’s words to your heart when you can’t hear them on your own!

4. Jesus brings us through our losses with his resurrection power

Jesus, once more deeply moved, came to the tomb. It was a cave with a stone across the entrance. “Take away the stone,” he said… So they took away the stone. Then Jesus looked up and said, “Father, I thank you that you have heard me. I knew that you always hear me, but I said this for the benefit of the people standing here, that they may believe you sent me.” When he had said this, Jesus called out in a loud voice, “Lazarus, come out!” The dead man came out, his hands and feet wrapped with strips of linen and a cloth around his face. Jesus said to them, “Take off the grave clothes and let him go.” John 11:38-39, 41-44 (NIV)

Jesus came to destroy sin, and the last enemy to be destroyed is death. And as Jesus looks at the corpse of Lazarus, now dead four days, and he sees Mary and Martha weeping and groaning, Jesus deep down inside himself is saying "I’m going to put an end to this." "Take away the stone" . . . Martha as if trying to calm Jesus, reminds him that Lazarus has been dead four days and the decomposition has already begun. To which Jesus replies, Didn’t I tell you, you would see the glory of God? "Jesus offers a brief prayer to the Father and then Jesus simply commands life over death: "Lazarus come forth." He who has power and authority over death, merely speaks and it is done.
And then into this grief filled day in Bethany, Jesus gives us a foretaste of our own resurrection and the resurrection of those who die in Christ. "Lazarus come forth" . . . and then . . . "Loose him and let him go." Jesus is saying “I’m going to end all grief and weeping, that aching sense of loss and aloneness.” And he does! Lazarus here, speaks to you and me of resurrection life available through Jesus Christ.

You’re saying “Yes, but I still have to wait…” There’s still death, and loss, and suffering this side of heaven. All of that is true. We can’t forget the pain, or the reality of suffering.

But here’s the good news: You don’t have to wait until you die for Jesus’ resurrection power to bring you through your loss! You can have the same resurrection power at work in your life NOW—to help move you through the crucible of grief to the re-construction of your life, to help you change the things you cannot change on your own, to heal the hurts and losses that neither you NOR time will heal. Let’s read this promise from Romans 8 together: “And if the Spirit of him who raised Jesus from the dead is living in you, he who raised Christ from the dead will also give life to your mortal bodies through his Spirit, who lives in you.” Romans 8:11 (NIV)

That promise of new life and hope in the middle of your loss, through the power of Jesus Christ, is for you and me right now… and just as Jesus invited the bystanders to roll the stone away, to unwrap Lazarus, and to be part of the resurrection miracle—SO Jesus invites you and me to be his hands and heart—to roll away the stone of hopelessness, and to unwrap our friends and neighbors from the graveclothes of pain and brokenness.

Illustrn: Last week I was in Texas leading a national conference for women in ECUSA. On Saturday I had the opportunity to pray with a woman whose husband was seriously crippled and who had given up on living… She described to me his despair, his hopelessness, and the way he was asking God simply to end his life. We prayed for Jesus to intervene, to bring healing and hope and a change of heart through his resurrection power. I received an e-mail from her Friday and this is what she wrote:

“You asked me last Saturday if you could pray for my husband and we sat right there in the chairs while you prayed.  It was some where between 4:00 and 5:00 pm.  When I returned home on Sunday, my husband had been visiting with a good friend for several hours which he has not been able to do for a long time.  He told me that he had stopped taking his pain medicine because his back was no longer hurting.  When we discussed it further on Tuesday, we realized that the pain had stopped while we were praying for him.  Praise God!!  I kept praying that God would heal the pain and He did - in His time.  (I wish that just once His time was the same as my time!!!)”

Sometimes, oftentimes, Jesus timing is not the same as ours!! It certainly wasn’t the timing Martha and Mary wanted. As they looked around that fourth day, the body of Lazarus so badly decomposed that there was no hope of a “resuscitation”… and Jesus was no where to be seen. They didn’t see him.. they didn’t feel him-- But the reality is that JESUS WAS ALREADY ON THE WAY!

SO DON’T LOSE HEART! Jesus is already on the way to meet you. In fact, he’s been on the way to reach you for a long time—to bring you hope, and healing, and new life—in good times and bad, and especially in your losses. If you’re facing a loss today, know this:

• Jesus understands and shares the pain of your loss

• SO THAT you will come to him and pour out your heart

• SO THAT you can let him speak words of healing and hope to your heart

• SO THAT he can bring new purpose out of your pain, and new life out of your loss

And all you have to do-- like Mary, and Martha, and Lazarus—is believe and receive!